Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
