You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize