I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
