I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
