your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
