i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
