Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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