Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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