Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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