I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
