im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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