Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
