got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
