is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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