Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
