i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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