Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
