I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
