Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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