how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
