there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
