I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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