How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
