So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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