Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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