At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
