He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
