I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
