your parents love me but you hate me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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