Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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