A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
