I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
