We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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