I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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