Got a toothbrush?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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