Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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