never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
