He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
