Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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