I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
