he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
