just tell him i said nine months
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
