we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
