I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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