well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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