I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
