his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
