remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
