No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
