Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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