What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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