What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
