At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
not ubering you a puppy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
