I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
