The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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