I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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