i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
