I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
