Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
