If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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