Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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