i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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