my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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