I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
