I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
