we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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