The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
