I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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