Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
