Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
