Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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